I am back people! 🙂 Something finally shifted inside my soul and, despite I still walk with 4 opened eyes to check whether anyone is attacking me, my true smile is back! It’s been a process of course, a process where a lot of you lovely people contributed to start opening my heart once again. I’ve received so much support, love and strength from all of you, physically close or not, that I could not give up! And I am extremely grateful for that.
I had terrible days. I had days where I was feeling really sad, my soul was so heavy, I could not smile, trust or be happy with anyone. I wanted to stay alone but I didn’t want to stay alone! I felt disconnected as I was loosing the beauty of being in the present moment. I had moments in which I thought this event could affect all my life. I had nightmares. I cried for not specific reasons. I had panic attacks when somebody asked me “where are you from?”. But out of all this dark moments, I always knew it was just in my mind, and so I decided that, not matter how painful it could be, I would just observe this as a detached witness as I also knew that time is a great healer and to mention Vipassana meditation, everything arises and passes away, arises and then passes away – so why getting attached to sensations (either bad or good?) if they will go away? It’s the low of nature.
But do you know when exactly I felt this shift? This is so exciting!! Do you remember the “old man”? The one that threw stones at the “little man” who tried unsuccessfully to rape me? Well, I met him! Yes I did! Here, where I live and where the aggression happened, is a small village, everybody knows each others and so one of the fruit seller spoke to some friends of mine, the story went quickly around the village and so I got the name of the “old man”, my savior (apparently the aggressor was not a local person). I had to meet him. He’s a plumber and his name is Bhagwuant, that day he was there to fix some tube that brings spring water to the village. This is what I knew. After some asking around, I managed to know that he usually spends his afternoons in a tea shop close to Tushita centre. So, yesterday, a bit anxious without knowing exactly why, I went there and I asked to the first person outside the shop: “Excuse me where can I find Bhagwuant?” “This is me…..I know who you are” he replies. And with the eyes full of emotion I told him in one breath “I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you” and he smiled “it’s ok, don’t worry”….. “Can I buy you a chai?” I suggest, and we sat down waiting for our chai. 
I was a bit embarrassed, I didn’t know what to say but I know I wanted to talk to him, I wanted to look him in the eyes and see the good out of a local man. Bhagwuant doesn’t have a typical face of someone I would trust, but then when he smiles he’s so sweet! He didn’t speak much, he was quiet, smily but not too much. I asked him “so how come you noticed us? Did you hear my screams?” “Yes, I heard very loud Help! Help!” but you know what? I don’t remember saying Help, I just remember screaming nonsense noises, this was all unconscious. He also said that the “little man” tried to push me towards him and OK this I remember. Anyway, we spoke a bit, I wanted to know him a little more. He’s married and has 3 daughters! And when is not a plumber he plants and grow rise in his rise field. It was an exception he was there that day, he normally is at his shop. Wow I think, he must be the savior the universe sent me! I probably told him so many thank you and out of nowhere he said “Nadia do not worry, bad things happens sometime, now it’s ok” and then I felt the shift inside me. I don’t think he understood how healing it was to me meeting him, but doesn’t matter! I said again thank you and good bye. I walked away pretty joyfull, I was missing this feeling. I went to the fruit seller where I bought 1 mango and 2 bananas for tomorrow morning, I felt lighter and content, once again 🙂
And as somebody recently told me, when you fly, some storms are inevitable, it means you will fly higher next time.
Love to all
❤
Love Yoga Life with Nadia Moon 